by Elizabeth Carrouth
And about that sin of perfection…
When I was asked to write a Lenten blog on forgiveness, my default response was fear and a lump in my throat. I’m intimately familiar with these feelings; they come every time I am asked to tell my story. In spite of and because of those feelings, my response is always “yes.” I was taught that response. I was not born with it, nor do I think I will ever be comfortable with saying yes to baring my soul.
I agreed because I knew my discomfort was God wanting again to stretch and refine me. And His assurance that by walking through the fear, I would find a deeper closeness to Him on the other side of it.
Initially, my yes and attempt to write about embracing forgiveness was all about Him. About His Kingdom. I prayed about God’s Will and asked my warriors to pray the same. But I fell into my “Peter” mode and found myself wrestling with it being all about me…my fears and my pride. Would my writing be worthy to others? Would my Christian Family be genuinely touched by my words? Not worthy or touching to my Heavenly Father’s heart.
My favorite verse in the Bible is “Come.” (Matthew 14:29) Peter walked on water, but his fear sank him. I wonder if Peter was more afraid of imperfection than the wind. Although I don’t see this command again in the Gospels, the Lord continued to invite Peter to come with Him in every way and until the very end. He does the same for me. He is the Judge. And it’s not based on perfection because I will never get there. He loves me unconditionally, in spite of and because of my human imperfection. He made me that way. So, it seems fitting, once again, to embrace forgiveness - of myself, of that blind spot in my brain that still thinks I need to do life perfectly, but mostly of the never-ending forgiveness He extends to me.